During a break at work, I was speaking with one of my
colleagues about his kid and girlfriend.
He’s a younger guy, in his early 20s, and he and his girlfriend had an
unplanned pregnancy about two years ago.
This would mean that the whole life change took place when he was in his
late teens or early 20s.
Anyway, after the surprise pregnancy came up, his girlfriend
moved out to live with her parents. She
has remained there for about two years, and it was just recently decided that
she would be moving back in with him.
Everything sounds like it’s pretty stable, in that they’re getting along
well and genuinely want to live together again.
After hearing the whole story, it made me wonder: Would it
be beneficial to the long-term sustainability of relationships if couples
separated during stressful periods, eventually getting back together after the
stressful period has passed?
We all know that stress breeds more stress, oftentimes
producing substantial conflict in relationships (of any kind). This is especially true with people living
together and even more so with couples.
However, what stands out to me regarding romantic relationships is the
fact that people break up; that is, friendships seem more likely to survive
stressful periods, and family relationships (brother-sister, mother-son, etc.)
survive even more, whereas couples seem to break up (and stay broken up) a lot
easier.
Now, the above is all opinion/anecdotal; I haven’t looked at
or seen studies to support what I think I’ve seen. Actually, there might be studies that
disprove this thought, so I might be way off base here. In any case, thinking of my colleague’s story
and leaning on intuition, it feels like temporary separations really could help
romantic relationships. This is
especially true for young couples since they’re less capable (some would say
not mature enough) to make the best long-term decisions. For one, you’re not around each other
non-stop, so you don’t have the opportunity to take stress out on each other
all of the time. Secondly, in the case
of pregnancy and assuming the option is available, moving back in with family
(especially parents): 1. provides valuable support and experience; 2. might
actually strengthen family relationships; and 3. leverages relationships that
are more likely to survive stressful periods.
And thirdly, by being apart, you might cherish and enjoy your time together
more than you otherwise would have.
So, I wonder if this is a good way to combat stressful
circumstances in relationships, such as unplanned (or even planned)
pregnancies, and especially pregnancies at a young age. This could even apply for career changes, a
death in the family, or other life-changing events. If there haven’t been studies on this, my
intuition tells me that it might be worth investigating. You never know!
Anyway, just something I came across and was thinking
about. Thought I’d share! Let me know what you think!
And if for whatever reason I’m way off here and the idea is
a bad one, you know what to do: Blame it on fast foods!
- Steve